Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Surrender: the relinquishment of one's own will.(Defined By Wikipedia)
It is easier said than done.
I know God wants me to surrender my future to Him, including my SPM.Especially my SPM.
I'm stressed out and worried sick about it.
'Coz I keep remember-ing that I have so many to catch up on, like Sejarah, Bio, and Chinese.
And...a little of other subjects.Scratch that, it's actually a lot.
I finished the whole book of physics reference book, that's how I came to at least understand what my friends are discussing about in school.As in now.
I remembered last time I used to just keep quiet and listen, 'coz everytime they discuss about physics, I won't know what-the-world they're talking about.
The only thing I know is that, it always starts with :'Mr Kong says this...says that..."
(Mr.Kong is their tuition teacher)
Yes, that's the only thing I understand.
'coz they'll be talking about some physics concept and arguing/discussing over some law.
FYI, physics has a lot of LAW and concept.
Back to topic, I have 3 weeks left.
Minus sleep and rest and play and watch tv and online, maybe less than one week to study.
And I still have Sejarah to memorise for the essay part in SPM.
And Bio, it's easy once you've got the facts in your head.
But getting the facts in itself is hard.
That's why I'm so worried.
But then again, I know I need to surrender it to God.
So very not easy.
'Coz I want, yes, I want my SPM results to be good, as in if possible, no B.Not even B+.
Which I think is impossible, since I have so many to cover up.
No, don't think I'm overly sombong or can't take failures or whatever that's coming into your mind.
Maybe you don't undertsand.I won't explain further here.
But yeah, what I want may not be what God wants.
Many times there's this I-don't know-what-is-it-called that keeps nagging me to just
"Cast my cares upon Him.Let Him carry my burdens and carve my pathway for me."
But it's hard!!
My mind is filled with' What if's....'
What if what I want doesn't happen the way I want??
What if it the'good' things in my eyes doesn't happen??
I know and God has proved again and again to me that I don't always see the bigger picture.
He always, always have something installed for me, something big and better.
But part of me just don't want to let go.

Still, I know that at the end of the day, I have to make the decision.

And the decision is to surrender it to Him.
And move about freely;worries and burdens uplifted to Him.
It's just a matter of time.And yes I know,I better do it soon.
Before I lapse into depression and get bonded by the spirit of depression again.