Saturday, December 15, 2012

Hello January 2013

The title is in anticipation of January 2013.
It's the 15th  Dec today.Meaning, another 15 days to go, before the new year starts.

It's a bit sad, really.
It's like, sigh, the year passed by too quicly.
I dont want it to end!!
I need more time, I need time to relax,
I need time to go christmas shopping,
I need time to read novels,
I need time to study, 
I need time to practice my essay,
I need time to hang out with my friends
I need time to spend time with God each day,
I need time to ......

There's just a never ending list.
I really am deprived of all that.
Isn't this a constant thing?
Battling with time.Running against time.
I'm sure all my blog post, say 90% is about me not having enough time.
And it's true.
Aiyah, dont compare others to me and say,
'Time is equal for all, why some can survive, yet you can't?'
I can't really give an answer to that.
Seems like my life is just really busy, with lotsa stuff I cant pinpoint it to just one 'stuff' you know.
I really can't.
What the earth.This is going to get into an emo post again.
Or a complain post.About time being not enough.
Whatever la.Im tired too, of the same old topic.About time.

I don't know.What should I do?
I did a timetable, yet today is the 6th day I've been trying to follow it, to no avail.=(
I feel totally useless, and fed up.
It's like 'AHH.Give up!'

But I can't, again, I won't.
Hello, My life , my future depended on my decisions now, I better make wise decisions.
Yet, I really am helpless...
What should I do?

On a side note, today's devotion talked about trusting God.

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.'

When you lift your eyes from your situation and fix them on your Savior – when you choose to trust Him – you will find peace in the pain and strength in the struggle.

Yes, this could be the solution.
But you know, it's hard too.
How many time have I failed Jesus.
I always go back to being 'in charge' of my life.
I keep neglecting God, and doing other 'important' things first.
Yet, God has reminded me , again and again, through ways like this, to come back to Him.
I strayed from the path, too frequent.
This really is a struggle, between trusting that everything is in God's hands, and keeping everything under my own control.

Everytime I respond with a 'Yes, I trust you I surrender to You'
Yet after few days the same old habit comes back again, 
To being worrying and worrying and worrying about every single thing in my life!!
I tell you, it's frustrating.

But thank God, my God is a gracious God.
And I will try again, and again, everytime He reminds me, I will try to follow His will.
So God, please help me to focus on you and not the drowning waters.

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